And Then It's Gone
by eMmerzx3
Summary: Slightly AU. Peyton and Lucas finally find their way back to each other nearing the end of senior year. But then, it's all ripped away from her as quickly as it came as an unexpected turn for the worse occurs.
1. Everything To Lose

**AN-I've written numerous one-parters lately, and finally decided on writing a continuous fanfic. Most of the fanfic will probably be flashbacks. The first chapter is present, the middle chapters will be flashbacks, and the last chapter will most likely be future. I'm really looking forward to writing this, and I hope it catches peoples' interest. Like I've mentioned before, I'm always open to ideas, so feel free to share them. If I can find a way to throw them into my story, I will. And, like always, reviews are always welcomed. Heh winks Hope you enjoy.**

**-The First, and First Chapter ONLY, will be told in Peyton's point of view (unless written so otherwise later on).**

**Love, Emily**

Anniversaries. It was the one word I had realized at a young age that I wouldn't experience, unless of course you count death as an anniversary. I can't say it didn't bother me because it did. I just never saw myself as the kind of person to experience them, to fall "in love" per say. But I guess you need that, the doubt, with no clarity. Because it's the doubt that gives you the clarity, even if you have to search for it, it's there. It's the doubt that brought Lucas and I back together the few months before high school graduation. It's the doubt that allowed me to throw my heart out there. And it's the doubt that let me fall in love.

"What're you thinking about, Peyt?" I turned my head casually toward the blonde, shaggy-haired Scott and smirked.

"Nothing…" My voice barely a whisper, "it's not important."

"Then you wouldn't be thinking about it." Leave it to Lucas, always determined to read into everything far too much. Partly the reason why I fell in love with him, just since he cared so much. "Come on, Peyt, talk to me." He brought my hand to his lips, gently grazing over my fingertips before giving them a light squeeze.

"It's just…" I felt foolish for even thinking about it. "Do you ever…just feel guilty? About how we got together?" My face tightened, for we had never really discussed what had happened. One day him and Brooke were just over, and pretty soon, Brooke and I were over as well. I just always figured Lucas had something to do with the reason why Brooke and I ended our friendship. He was searching for an answer, and I could tell just by his facial expression. It was blank, pondering between his own thoughts.

"Honestly?" I nodded toward him. "I really don't have an answer, well at least one that would make sense to you."

"Just tell me anyway," I nudged his side gently, playfully.

"It's simple, really, well for me." He stopped both of us in our tracks, intertwining both of his hands into mine. "It took being loving someone else to realize who I was in love with." My head cocked to the side slightly, the moonlight glare catching my eyes. "See, told you you'd think I was crazy…" One of his hands brushed through his hair nervously as a chuckle escaped his lips.

I grabbed his hand back to mine, gently leaning upward to catch his lips with mine. A small smile played across my lips before pulling away slowly, eyes still closed. "No…it makes perfect sense, kind of like Jake and I." Our eyes locked for a few moments before we continued walking.

"I'm glad you understood."

"Me too," I smiled back at him. "So now where to?" It was getting late, the sky fulfilling its full darkness.

"I was thinking maybe we could talk…" He pulled my hand over to a bench as we both sat down.

"Sure, what about?" I had a feeling it was about college. Summer was ending, and whether we both wanted to see it or not, we'd most likely be heading off to different states, away from each other. It just wasn't something I really wanted to talk about, especially on our six month anniversary.

"I got in."

"What? Where?" I was hoping, wishing. And I was pretty sure of what he was talking about. His face was glowing.

"That's the other reason about tonight, us obviously, and to tell you that you're stuck with me." I let out a small shriek before throwing my arms around his neck tightly, the smile on my face impossibly huge. "I don't know why you're so happy, that was your excuse to get away from me." I lightly smacked his shoulder.

"I'll find another one, shouldn't be too hard."

He kissed me gently before we both began walking again. His arm snaked around my waist slowly, continuing toward my house for the rest of the night.

"Hey Luke!" We both turned simultaneously to see The Rivercourt, as well as everyone down there.

"Do you mind?" He asked me. "I know tonight was supposed to be about us."

"No, I just get you for myself later," I kissed him softly before pushing him toward the court. "I love you."

"I love you too….and, you owe me."

I sat down slowly on one of the benches next to the court, watching how passionate he was with the game. It was watching me with my art or music, first loves. You didn't always have to fall in love with just people. It was easy to just drift off, watching them play. It was mesmerizing, just everything about what they were doing. The uncoordination, the random, unplanned movements that made the game worthwhile. It wasn't until I heard Fergie's voice shouting Lucas' name that I snapped back to reality. It wasn't until I saw my boyfriend look over at me, clenching at his fist to his chest before falling to the ground. My world collapsing with his, watching him lying on the pavement. I was at loss, my heart stopping as I stood, running toward his side.

"LUCAS!"

It wasn't until I realized that he would be gone by the end of the night.


	2. All Too Familiar

**Alright, I completely lied. I switched a chapter around, so this chapter, like the first, will also be told in Peyton's POV. The first flashback is in the second part of this update, and the rest will follow through later within the chapters. Ha, beginning to see how important it is to read this part? Kidding, hope you enjoy!**

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Fear. Confusion. Anger. Hurt.

Pick and choose right? Which one of the emotions should I feel first? Fear because I knew I was going to lose the love of my life within the next few hours? Confusion because I don't know how or why this happened, and why it keeps happening to me? Anger because he has clearly been hiding something from me? Or hurt because he is all I have left to look forward to? Or am I selfish for being angry at him when I was about to lose him? Losing him as fast as I fell in love, just as we had finally gotten everything we had ever expected from one another.

Hospital waiting rooms were places I had gotten too accustomed to especially these past couple of months. The rows of uncomfortable plastic chairs that you never really notice are uncomfortable when sitting, waiting to hear the fate of a loved one. The few vending machines in the corners as if people would even be thinking about eating. And then of course the people sitting around you, most in the same position as you are. Everyone is thinking the same as one another, in one way, shape, or form. It's a hospital's unspoken common ground. Nothing ever changed in hospitals except of course the people within them.

I didn't notice Karen shoving through the door from the ambulance bay until she was standing right in front of me. That's when I lost it, and that's when I realized I wasn't as strong as I thought. She held me tightly, me crying more so than her which made me feel foolish in a small way. She didn't even want to know what happened, and in a way, neither did I. Knowing what happened and how it happened would just confirm there was something wrong in the first place. In Karen and my eyes, there was nothing wrong. He was Lucas Scott, a normal, seventeen year old basketball player. You didn't collapse from that. You collapse from a defection in your health, body, or mind. I wasn't willing, nor ready to accept the fact that Lucas was anything less than perfect-especially for me.

Time seemed to freeze. We weren't allowed into or around the trauma room, and we were given specific orders to stay here until a doctor came and told us otherwise. How did they really expect anyone to sit still knowing someone they cared about was hurt, dying? Is it really fair to those who care? To not be able to say goodbye until they're already gone? Especially since doctors had a tendency in not informing the family and friends immediately. Why would they? All Lucas was to them was another addition to their paycheck.

"Lucas Scott?" Mine and Karen's heads popped up simultaneously. He was clearly a doctor present within the trauma room, his mask still covering half his face, hugging his neck. "Please come with me…" That was always a bad sign. My heart was beating faster than ever, and I couldn't even imagine how Karen was feeling. He took us into a room off of the main hallway and shut the door slowly. "You might want to sit…"

He was dead, I knew he was. Tears flowed down my cheeks freely. I had heard the speech times before, the "I'm sorry, we tried everything we could," or "He just wasn't strong enough." I wanted to run out, I didn't want to give the doctor the satisfaction in saying I had lost him. I didn't want him to say it because once he did, there was no going back from that.

"Where's my son?" Karen choked out, just as clueless as I was.

"Mrs. Scot-"

"It's Roe," she interrupted him sternly and directly. She didn't want the bullshit. She wanted a simple answer.

"I'm sorry, Ms. Roe," he coughed before he continued. "How long had your son been without his medication?" I saw from the corner of my eye Karen turning toward me for an answer.

"My son…uh," she was struggling for words, "my son wasn't on medication doctor."

My head was spinning. Medication? Lucas? He didn't take drugs. And if the doctor was talking about amphetamines, then that was definitely not a possibility, or at least to my knowledge. Clearly Lucas didn't mind hiding things from me. He would've told me about prescription drugs, he couldn't hide something like that, especially from his mom.

"Ms. Roe, your son had a condition called Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy, whi-"

"Had?" It was time to panic. "Where's my son?"

The doctor sighed before continuing. "I'm sorry, Ms. Roe, your son passed away." My eyes tightened shut, tears trying to escape through. "The medication he was supposed to be tak-"

She didn't need to hear why, or what could have prevented it. That's what I admired about her, she didn't accept it, but she looked past it, toward what was more important. "Just…take me to my boy," I saw her lips quivering with every word spoken. He nodded in response and held the door open for both of us. I was a wreck. You can predict what'll happen as much as you want, but it doesn't hurt until it actually happens. Especially when it happens unexpectedly, without proper cause, without any sense. That's what grief is. "Doctor…" Karen called out gently before going in, "was he in pain?"

"Not for long."

I peeked inside the door, seeing Karen hunched over her son, hearing the muffled tears under the cracks. She had just lost a son, it was expected, just something I didn't want to have to see. I couldn't escape the fact anymore. It was final, he was gone, time to say goodbye.

Karen came out after a short while, giving me a tight embrace. "He loved you, Peyton, so much," she choked, barely a whisper, "In case you never got to realize it."

"I know he did."

I watched as she walked toward the waiting room, most likely to call others, people who needed to say goodbye. My heart wrenched at the first sight of him. So calm, peaceful, like a dream. I walked toward him slowly and sat down in the chair that Karen had left at his side. "Lucas…" I broke down immediately as I grabbed his hand, still soft inside of mine, warm to the touch. I wanted so badly to be angry at him, but I couldn't. My anger couldn't make the fact that he was gone disappear like a childhood nightmare. "Why didn't you tell me?" My chest was burning, becoming difficult to even attempt to talk. "It's not fair." I wanted to scream, just break down, I wanted to die.

"No, I just get you for myself later," I kissed him softly before pushing him toward the court. "I love you."

"I love you too….and, you owe me."

He was fine, walking, talking with me just hours ago. I pulled his hand up to my lips and kissed each of his knuckles slowly. "Why didn't you tell me…" I repeated, tears still flowing down my cheeks. "You weren't supposed to, we were supposed to g-go to New York, Lucas!" It hurt, stung, knowing he couldn't respond back to me, knowing he wouldn't be able to hold me, kiss me anymore. It hurt even more knowing there was nothing I could do about it. I could've helped him if he had informed me, but he didn't. This was all I had left. I didn't want to leave his side because there was no going back after that. There were no second chances. This was it. This was the last time I'd ever see Lucas without the slight memory of a photograph. I stood up gently, still gripping his hand tightly within mine. Leaning forward, I kissed him lightly on the lips one last time, single tears dropping onto his cheeks. My hand let go of his, and I placed it neatly across his chest before slowly turning around to face the door.

"I love you so much…" I whispered softly before leaving the trauma room.

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"Peyton, what's wrong?" I invited myself into his house, his arms wrapping around my waist as my tears kept pouring from my eyes, mixing from the rain. I didn't have to explain what had happened, he already knew. "Peyton…I'm so sorry." I gripped his shoulders tightly, refusing to let go._

_"She's g-gone Luke," I muffled into his chest._

_"Come on…" he slowly took me toward the door. "Let's go say goodbye."_

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_**Alright I hope you guys liked it. Also, make sure to read the opening posts made by me at the beginning of each chapter. It'll probably clear up some confusion. I'll try to have Chapter Three up sometime tomorrow or Wednesday at latest.**

**x3 Emily **


	3. Welcome To the Past

_"Brooke…I'm so-"_

_"Wait, let me guess, you're sorry right?" She looked toward him with eyes brimming with heavy tears. His face crooked to the side, his eyes now pointed to the ground. Shame, guilt was what he felt, but he couldn't help it. How could he help it? He had fallen for her best friend, again. Asshole was probably the nicest she could've called him. "Save it, Lucas, you're just like all the rest." She shoved past him harshly as the first tears began falling down her face. He remained in the same spot in front of her locker, slamming his fist against it powerfully before beginning to walk toward one of the exits._

_"Whoa…walking here ace," Haley backed out of the way quickly, avoiding the door slamming into her face. "Jesus, Luke…" she ran her hand through her auburn hair as Lucas looked down at her blankly. She looked back toward him quickly, arching an eyebrow in confusion once at sight of his face, "What? You and Brooke break up?" she smiled gently, nudging his shoulder playfully, hoping to get at least a smile. "Oh my God you did, what happened!" Her kidding manner disappeared, now completely aware and curious. Of course she could've found out from Brooke back at the apartment, but she didn't want the soap opera that would surely come along at the side. Lucas would get straight to the point._

_"I really don't want to talk about it, Hales." He tried moving past her, but she jumped in front and pushed him to a standstill._

_"Ohhh no you don't. If I get home to a crying Brooke, I'd at least like to know that I was smart for not kicking your ass! Lucas what were you thinking?" She was more confused than upset. They had seemed happy, and all her best friend would talk about for the last five months was Brooke and nothing more. Although she wasn't too fond of them dating, she got over it after seeing them both happy._

_"Hales I'm not myself when I'm with h-"_

_"You're not supposed to be, Lucas, you're in love. You do crazy things…" Her voice trailed off at the thought of Nathan._

_"What like leave your husband alone?" He didn't mean to snap, but he was frustrated. He thought she out of all people would understand. He thought he could rely on her for support since all of this was most likely going to backfire in his face. Her face shook disapprovingly as she turned to leave before he pulled her back. "Haley…I'm sorry okay?" Her face kept off of his as her head stayed sideways. "I am, I just want you to support what I did…"_

_"How can I if I don't know why you did it Luke?" It was her turn to yell. "Look you can't just tell a girl you love her and then break up with her a week later! It doesn't work that way! And now Peyton and I are the ones who are going to have to deal with it while you just casually move along to your next victim!"_

_He chuckled nervously, "Actually, it'll just be you…" She shot him a questionable look. "I mean…I don't think Brooke will be doing too much talking with Peyton for a while."_

_Her face scrunched up until she finally got what he was saying. "You fell for Peyton again didn't you?" He nodded slowly. "Lucas!"_

_"What? What's so bad about that? Jesus Christ…" He was yelling again and couldn't help it._

_"Don't yell at me, Lucas, yell at yourself later." She snapped back at him. "It's not bad okay? It's okay that you're into Peyton, you're allowed to be. But you can't keep doing this to Brooke! And even Peyton! What do you think she's going to do Luke? Fall back into your arms willingly? She's going to lose her best friend over this Lucas, and you're too selfish to realize it, especially right now!"_

_"You think I want to ruin their friendship!"_

_"You have a funny way of showing it if you don't!" Her mouth was slightly open, she couldn't believe what he was saying, let alone what he was doing. "Lucas…" she calmed her voice down. "What makes you think you're into Peyton again?"_

_He looked back up at her calmly. "Because I can feel it, in my heart, Hales…And yeah, I know, that's not an answer you want, but it's the best I have, and it's the only one I can give. I didn't like who I was around Brooke anymore, and being around Peyton showed me that. I kept telling myself that it could work, when it was really the other person that wasn't working. When Ellie died…and she just opened up, that's when I realized I wanted to be with her. I want to be there for her more than a friend, Hales…and I don't want another guy being that for her. Call me selfish, it's just how I feel."_

_"What makes you think she'll be willing to take a chance?"_

_"I don't care, well, I do, but I just want how I feel off my chest…I just want to stop hiding every damn thing I feel."_

_She leaned up quickly and hugged her best friend tightly, gripping his neck. "Even though you're still an ass," she joked, "good luck alright?" He nodded in thanks before heading over to where he needed to set things straight._

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_"Hey! What're you doing here?" Peyton came out of her bathroom and gave Lucas a quick hug. He closed her eyes as he caressed her tightly. "What's wrong?"_

_"I just wanted to make sure you're alright." His voice was soft and sincere. She tilted her head questionably and looked up at him in doubt. "Alright, I lied. Well, I did want to check up on you, but I was hoping we could talk maybe?"_

_"Uhh, sure…" she released herself from his hold, "But do you want to watch a movie afterwards or something? Or do you have plans with Brooke?"_

_"Brooke and I broke up, Peyt…"_

_She looked up at him in shock, in question as he walked toward her slowly. "What! Why? What happened!"_

_"Because I want to be with you."_


	4. Always Back to Here

**I'm a really bad liar. Anyways, this chapter is written in Lucas' POV, and it's directly continued from Chapter three, same night, same time, ect. I'm really sorry for the wait on this chapter. A mixture of writer's block, school work, and my job. I'll try my best to update more often, definitely more often than I have been. Hopefully, those who have read it are still interested. I'm sorry this chapter is a little shorter than the others.**

**Love, Emily**

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_Please say something…_

_My head was spinning, my heart screaming. Her face said it all without a word leaving her mouth. I thought about leaving, or even tripping myself to the floor to hope this was all a dream. It wasn't though, and no matter what was about to happen, I couldn't regret what I had just told her. Why should I feel bad for saying how I feel? Why is it always such a feared task? "Peyt, baby, please say something…" my hand reached for hers as the words fell from my lips. She backed away just as my fingertips grazed the mere tips of her own. "Peyton…" I was pleading, begging without desperation._

_"What Lucas? WHAT?" her words were harsher than I thought. "What do you expect me to say? To fall back into your arms and confess my undying love for you?" I stared at her blankly, the words painfully, hurtfully leaving her mouth._

_"No bu-"_

_"But what Lucas? The fact you just spilled your heart to Brooke doesn't phase your karma at all?" I was trying not to yell back at her, no matter how badly I wanted to. "How can you be so selfish?"_

_Too late._

_I snapped._

_"Selfish?" A grin crossed my face before staring toward the ground, a chuckle escaping my lips._

_"That's what they call people who only think of themselves and not everyone else that they're screwing over…in case you forgot during your obvious brain lapse." Her words made me smile more, no matter how hurtful they were meant to be._

_"Screwing? That's more your deal isn't i-" I didn't have to finish before I felt my cheek burn from the impact of her hand. It wasn't until then that I realized I had gone too far. Like always, I didn't care to think anything through. Brooke, perfect example._

_Her eyes became glassy, and it was soon obvious that she was fighting to keep tears within her eyelids. "You bastard…" a low whisper escaped from her lips, barely audible. The first tear rolled down her cheek, and I felt exactly what she had just called me. "Get out." She said this much more clearly than the name-calling. I stood my ground, still staring at her intensely. "Lucas, get out!" she repeated, her voice near to a scream. I stopped her in her tracks as she charged toward me, clenching her wrists gently to stop her path._

_"Peyt, stop…"_

_Her fists fought my grasp, tears escaping her eyes freely. "Just leave me alone," her voice broke into a fit of sobs, and I watched her head collapse against my chest in exhaustion. I soothed her back gently after letting go of her wrists. All the hurt and pain she was holding in since Ellie's death finally exploded, her body incapable of holding it in any longer._

_We remained standing for a good five minutes, listening to her sobs, myself whispering words into her ears while kissing the top of her head. Her head lifted slowly, her eyes red, puffy, and it wasn't long before I felt her lips on top of mine. I kept her start going, only pulling myself away when I felt her doing so first. Eyes still closed, I gently placed my forehead against hers._

_"Peyton…" I whispered slowly, not sure if her eyes were still closed like mine._

_"I don't want to think, Lucas," she whispered, our lips centimeters from one another's._

_"What do you want?" I asked slowly, feeling her breath on top of my own lips._

_"I just want to feel…" I captured my lips with hers this time, slightly increasing the intensity of the kiss. She welcomingly accepted as my tongue slipped into her mouth, meeting hers slowly. A slight smile escaped my lips from hearing a slight moan from the bottom of her throat. Her kisses soon trailed down my chin onto my neck, gently tugging on my pulse point._

_"God I missed you," she silenced me quickly as our lips joined once again. Clearly, she didn't want to talk either._

_I broke us apart as I felt her hands teasing with the hem of my shirt, and helped her by quickly discarding it over my head, soon doing the same with her own top. Piece by piece, the remainder of our clothes joined our shirts on the floor as I guided her toward her bed, gently falling on top of her. I hovered above her, chests meshed together, and I saw a single tear slip from her eye. Tucking a few strands of hair behind her ear, I slowly entered her, our eyes never taking off from the other's. Her eyes spoke her mind, full of desire, want…love._

_I collapsed soon afterwards, gently resting my body on top of hers._

_"Pey-"_

_"Don't ruin it okay?"_

_I smiled gently as her eyes let go of one last tear._


	5. Trying to Hold On

**Okay, so no one gets confused, I'm playing around with this fanfic a little bit, and right now, I'm jumping away from flashbacks to present time. From now on, to avoid confusion, all flashback chapters will be shown in italics, and all present time chapters will be posted regularly. But, like always, I'll have an opening sentence or so to each of the chapters. Hope you enjoy! This idea kind of just came to me---part of it. It's not told in Peyton's POV.**

**Love, Me.**

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She peeked her head out of the closet as she heard a slight knock at the bedroom door, only to be surprised to see the younger Scott standing tall in the doorway. "Oh, hey, I didn't know you were here…" he was stumbling for words, for he didn't really know what to say to his long ago ex. It hurt him enough to lose a brother, but it must've been even harder on her. "I'll leave if you wan-"

"Actually," she put up a hand to wipe across her tear-stained cheeks, "I'd…uh really love the company…" her voice trailed off as she slowly got up, him meeting her halfway as their bodies intertwined with one another's. He felt the tears soak through his shirt and kissed the top of her head gently, whispering calming, soothing words into her ears. "I really miss him, you know?" she whispered against his chest as she began letting slow, soft sobs escape her lips. He nodded in response, slightly pulling her tiny, disheveled frame more against his.

"Peyt, what are you doing here? You're not ready for this…" He took a glance around Lucas' room, and could almost picture Lucas walking in the door like it was any regular day.

But it wasn't. It never would be.

"I, umm, just figured I'd help Karen out a little bit," she struggled for an excuse, "and plus, she lost a lot more than I did." Her voice trailed off before her eyes had the chance to let free anymore tears.

"How about giving me the real reason? You need to take care of yourself first, Lucas wouldn't want you like this…"

She looked up at him and sighed, searching for a way to tell how she was feeling. It was harder than it was supposed to be. "I'm afraid to let go," her voice cracked and couldn't stop the tears from releasing anymore. "I can't let go because once I do, that's it…" she raised her hand to her mouth and cried into it before his arms pulled her body to his tightly once again. "Why'd this happen to him, to me?" Any other question, he would've been able to answer. She didn't even expect one because she knew there was no logical answer. He was gone…just because he was.

Within minutes, she was back to his closet and bringing boxes back to the bed where Nathan was now sitting. "I can't believe he kept all of this…" she let out a slight chuckle and smiled at the contents in the box.

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_"What's this?" Lucas greeted her with a kiss, letting a low moan escape his lips once they pulled apart._

_"I got bored in Spanish, and well, you were the last boyfriend of mine I had to write to…"_

_"Oh really?" She nodded, grinning happily. "Is that so?" He smiled back at her. "Alright, well I guess it's a good time to tell you that I'm dating Rachel too…"_

_"Lucas!" She hit his shoulder playfully._

_"What! Oww…" He moaned. "Hey, I thought you were into threesomes…" She glared at him, her eyes telling stories. "Kidding. You're the only person I want to be with." His arms wrapped around her before leaning down to capture her lips as his own._

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She smiled weakly before placing the letter in her bag, along with most of the other contents in the box. "He really loved you, you know that?" Nathan told her when he saw her eyes fill with pain after finishing looking through the box. She looked up toward him and nodded slightly.

"Yeah, I know…"

She was glad she knew, that was what kept her going as they continued looking through Lucas' stuff, as she lived day by painful day without him there. Knowing that he loved her got her through in more ways than she ever thought possible. "Hey Peyton, you mind if I keep this?" She snapped out of her daydream quickly to look over at Nathan, who was holding a basketball from their state championship game from a few months ago, in May, right before graduation. She couldn't help but tear up again, start to cry. Basketball was what she believed helped him die. It wasn't until a few moments later until Nathan realized what he just asked her. "Peyt, I'm sorry I wasn't thinki-"

"No, no, it's okay, he'd want you to have it…"

He gently stood up once again, pulling her toward him for one of the many times that day.

"Oh god look at me," she sniffled, pulling herself away from him after a few minutes. "Feeling sorry for myself like alwa-"

"Peyton, you're allowed to, you just lost a person you loved."

"No…I can't. You were right, Lucas wouldn't want to see me like this, and um, that's one of the last things I can give him, to make him happy." She started back into Lucas' closet before Nathan pulled her back gently, but with a force behind it.

"Hey, don't you ever think you didn't make him happy, alright? You were all it took to make him happy, and you don't have to give anything else other than yourself alright?" He gripped her shoulders lightly, his eyes looking straight at her face, which was pointed toward the ground. "Peyt, look at me," she looked up slowly with glassy eyes. "And what do you mean it's one of the last things you can give him?" She stared intensely into his eyes, letting out a shaky sigh before speaking.

"There's also his first child…"

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_"You ever think we'll have kids?" He turned to her slowly and looked up at her ceiling._

_"Lucas…"_

_"I mean it, when we're marrie-"_

_"We're not even married!" She smiled, reaching for his hand, kissing his fingertips gently before intertwining their hands together._

_"Well I know that…I mean later, when we are married." She saw his eyes glow against the light, sending a chill up her spine. "You're it for me Peyton, I want to spend the rest of my life with you." Her breath caught in her throat as she slowly pushed her lips toward his, cradling his face between her hands. His eyes were still closed as she pulled away, and she kissed the side of his cheek._

_"Yes." It was that simple._


	6. Don't Shut Me Out

**AN-Sorry for such the long wait. I'm hoping you guys like this chapter since I enjoyed writing it. Anyways, I'll definitely try to update at least one more time today since I'm home sick. This chapter takes place right after Chapter 4, just in case anyone's getting confused.  
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**Love, Emily.**

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_ He rubbed his eyes gently after sitting up on her bed, watching as she stood by her window with a blanket covering her. After wrapping the remaining sheet around himself, he slowly stood to walk over toward her. She didn't even look at him once, she didn't have to. She knew he'd be right behind her soon enough. "You can leave now…" her voice was soft once his hands hit her bare shoulder. Here she went again. She was pushing this away, but this time, he knew it was coming. She wasn't getting off as easy this time._

_"Peyton don't do this…" he watched her walk across the room toward her bathroom and stopped her right before the door slammed in his face. "Peyton!" he reached for her arm and caught it, her back still faced towards him._

_"Don't do what, Lucas!" She opened the door back up to face him directly. "Don't know that this isn't okay? I can't do that, and you know it because it's not. It's never going to be okay…" her voice trailed off as she tried shutting the door once again. A look of annoyance crossed her face once Lucas stopped the door from shutting again, stopped the possibility of him leaving._

_"And why not, Peyton? Why can't this work?" She stared at the ground blankly, trying to avoid having tears fall in front of him again. She opened up last night, and they wound up sleeping together. Just by her face, he knew the answer to his own question, "Brooke." When she didn't respond, he knew he was right, the same middle school game he played with her just last year. He was chuckling slightly before he knew it, not really even meaning to. He couldn't help it._

_"And you're laughing…" she threw up her hands and sighed toward him. She thought that he'd at least take this a little more seriously than he was._

_"Because you gave me the same bullshit reason last year, Peyton!" He didn't mean to yell at her. "At least have a variety if you're going to make excuses. Don't give me that same reason every fucking time. Brooke's getting pretty old. Why is it always about her? Why does she effect every decision you make about relationships!" She knew he was right. "It's not fair to you."_

_"Maybe because it's always the same guy who's tearing us apart." If he wanted the truth, he got it. She watched his shoulders drop, his head slant, before shutting the bathroom door completely. He stood at the door for a few minutes before walking in himself. "Lucas just go, alright?" He slowly walked behind her, leaning down to kiss the base of her neck briefly, moving the blanket out of the way with his hand._

_"Just tell me what you want. No Brooke, just you, Peyt." He shut his eyes and rested his head by her shoulder, the scent of her shampoo vibrant._

_"I don't know what I want…" she lied through her teeth. There was no point in lying to Lucas, he'd see right through it, but she always tried anyway._

_"Is that your new excuse?" he moved to stand in front of her. "I think you do know." He was staring straight through her. "I think you know, and you're scared because you can actually have it. It scares the hell out of you to open your heart out again after what happened with Jake-," the sound of his name caused her to turn her head away from him. "And you're especially scared because it's me." Her lips tightened and her eyes closed shut, a single tear rolling down her cheek. "Meet me halfway here…"_

_"I can't." Her answer was simple. Too simple. Nothing was ever that easy._

_"Yes you can, Peyton, I promise yo-"_

_"Like you promised Brooke?"_

_"Brooke took a chance, Peyton…" he knew she had a point, and he didn't know what to tell her._

_"Yeah and look how that turned out for he-" He gently planted his lips against hers and was surprised as she didn't pull away. His hand brushed hair out of her face before pulling away._

_"I'm not going to hurt you, Peyton…" his eyes searched her own, pleading with her in an almost pathetic way. Just the way that would win her over. "You just need to take a chance too. I can't be the only one wanting this…"_

_"How can you be sure?" She looked back at him for the first time that morning. She wanted an honest answer, she wanted the truth, not the heartbreak that Brooke got twice._

_"Because being around you shows me the person I used to be."_

_"The cheating, going behind your girlfriend's back kind of person?" She knew the answer, she just wanted to hear him say it. She wanted to know that he wanted this for real._

_"No." He answered simply with a smile. "The person when all I wanted was to be with you." She stayed silent, as did he for a few moments before speaking again. "Look, remember what you said to me in the hospital? After the accident?" She nodded slightly before eyeing the ground once again. "I'm not going to hurt you Peyton, I promise. I just want to see if this would work…"_

_"And what if it doesn't?"_

_"Then at least we'd know, alright? But it'll work…"_

_"How do you know, Lucas? How can you possibly say that?" Her eyes were glassy as more tears threatened to fall._

_He smirked at her, cupping her face within his hands as his lips met hers once again. Her hands fell on top of his, kissing him back as gently as he started. Eyes still closed, they both pulled away, foreheads clashing together._

_"Because I feel it in my heart…" He watched her for a reaction, and was surprised to see a small smile tug at the corner of her lips. "Just give us a chance okay? That's all I'm asking for…"_

_"Okay."_

_"Okay?" She nodded again, a smile appearing across his face as he kissed her, letting his sheet and her blanket fall toward the bathroom floor._


	7. I Hope You Find Your Gift

**I'm really sorry about the absolute no updates from me on any of my fanfics. It's finally summer, so I'm back. This fic, however, is coming to an end with this update. Part of the reason I didn't update as much as I hoped to with this fic in particular is because there isn't really too much more to tell. Sure, I could make them perfectly happy, but Lucas and Peyton, I could never see them as completely happy---there are so many obstacles. Cough, Brooke. Anywho, I hope you enjoy this chapter, the ending, if any of you are still reading. My other fics are also coming to an end, so look for a new one or two to come from me soon.**

**Love, Emily.**

**Peyton's POV. Flashbacks are in _italics_. They sort of jump around a lot, so I'm sorry if you get confused in any way.**

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_**Five years later…**_

I made my way to the cemetery, like every other year, every other anniversary. It was just these few years ago where anniversaries had just gained a meaning, being with Lucas. He brought me back to life, and I died that day on the court with him. My life started with him, and it ended with him. It's been five years, and I still find myself searching for answers, five years of coming up short each and every day. 1825 days, 261 weeks, 43,800 hours, all with the same emptiness as an outcome that only Lucas would ever be able to fill. His touch, his voice, his scent, the look in his eyes when he would coo 'I love you' into my ears, the first time we made love. 1825 days, 261 weeks, and 43,800 hours of missing him more each second.

"_Karen…" Tears spilled from my eyes uncannily as she watched me walk through Lucas' bedroom door. It was the first time I had seen her since that night in the hospital._

"_Peyton, what is i-" her own voice cut off once she saw the pregnancy test clutched in my trembling, right hand._

"_I'm pregnant."_

He'll always be with me, I'll always remember him. I'll see him in our daughter's eyes, her smile, hers and my own tears. He's everything I am today, even after his voice fades out of memory, his scent no longer recognizable. He'll be there in every fading sunset, every sunrise, every summer breeze when I spend hours on end at the court. He'll be there every birthday, every anniversary which people call me crazy for still remembering, and he'll be there every night when I tuck our daughter into bed, in each and every star in the sky.

"_Congratulations," I turned to Karen, my eyes drained of tears, and felt her grab my hand, "it's a girl." I watched the doctors wrap her in a blanket to bring her to me, Karen now crying as well._

I've left myself to wander in an unrealistic world. A world where I can still feel his hot breath against my neck when joining in that rare passion that many people know of, but never actually experience it. A world where I can still hear him call my name, _"Pey…"_ only to turn around and see the reflection of the emptiness on my heart. A world where I still can relive each memory from a picture I walked by without having the urge to turn it over, only because it cuts too deep to open up healing wounds. A world where myself in his arms was all it would take to ensure the ultimate feeling of security. A world where I could still feel his hands entangled in my hair, rubbing away any tears that dared fall upon my cheeks. A world, a world that ended that night…1825 days.

Ellie Nicole was born at the near end of my freshmen year at New York University, an art history major. I left Tree Hill in August, 2 months after Lucas' death, and came back that February, a month before I was due. Karen became my lifeline, through every breakdown, every tear; most of them shared between the two of us. I relied on her with my life, and in a way, I still believe she felt the same with me. To her, Lucas lived through me, and to me, Lucas lived through her. We were each others' answer on the days where it didn't seem worth it. Ellie, however, is worth every tear, laugh, and fit.

I graduated last May, my almost four year old daughter, Karen, my dad, Haley, Nathan, and their two girls all present while I walked across stage with nothing but smiles and tears crossing over my face. Nothing but stolen glances from me to all of them sitting, front row and ready, possibly more ready than I was. Lucas was there as well. Always.

_I made my way toward Karen after the ceremony, my arms open to her as I cried in happiness into her shoulder. She pulled my face to hers, tears brimming in her own eyes, "I'm so proud of you." I collapsed in her arms, tears erupting down my cheeks. I looked back and saw Haley, holding my smiling daughter adjusted on her hip. She smiled, two of her teeth missing. And there Lucas was, in her. With me. _

That, at my graduation, was the moment he grazed his way into my heart, my soul, to stay there for the rest of my life.

"Hey you…" I set down the fresh red roses on the cold cement, replacing the others. "I know you always hated flowers, but I always loved to drive you crazy, so your mom keeps giving me them for you." I know Haley still found it awkward how I would talk to him, only knowing he couldn't answer back. But it was what I came to do, to talk to him, and I couldn't leave without doing so. "Ellie's perfect. She just turned four a few months ago, and I have a feeling I'll be fighting off guys with sticks by the time she's seven. Thanks to you of course…" I knelt down to the ground and placed my hands on the cold marble heading. "Haley's pregnant…again, so make sure you stick around for that one. Her births are always the funniest, especially when she turns violent." A smile escaped my lips on instinct of just the thought.

"Your mom's doing great, and I can't even imagine trying to raise Ellie without her. She's been such a help, and I can't help feeling I'm taking it all for granted." I bit my lip, "She'll be by later. I just didn't want Ellie to come just yet. The pictures of you are enough for now, the memories that won't scar her for life, I tell her." My smile returned. "Strange as it seems, it never seems like I have to. Your mom goes on how Ellie reminds her of you when you were little, so now I know how much of a menace you were---Ellie got it from somewhere. And don't even start about basketball. She's got the best jump shot on those 3 foot hoops that I've ever seen, and she definitely dunks better than you ever did."

"I love you, Lucas, I love you for helping me grow into the person I have become. I love you for helping me continue growing because you're what keeps that happening. You and Ellie. I love you in everything I do, everything that makes me, me." I couldn't stop the tears from threatening my cheeks, and before I knew it, they were slipping out. "I love you for everything you taught me, and I love you for still teaching me more than anyone ever could." I stood up slowly, preparing to leave. "And I love you for enabling me to still believe in love…"

"_What's her name?" I saw the doctor hovering over me with a smile on her face, "She's gorgeous."_

"_Ellie Nicole…" I looked into her eyes, blue, just like her father's, "…**Scott**."_

And then I was gone.

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**The End. **


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